Considerations

January 27th, 2022

When you're travelling by yourself, decisions will keep coming at you. Because you're alone, they're on you. You're here for yourself and it's up to you to get the most out of your vacation. It's the epitome of the Dutch 'keuzestress'. 

For me, the decisions mostly center around socialization. I'm an independent and venturous person. I know very well which sites I want to see and at which restaurants I want to eat, and I'm not scared to do that by myself. Still, I'm an extravert - I need people to talk to and to laugh with. It can be difficult to combine the two. When I hang out with people at the hostel, it means I can't go to that neighbourhood I'd been dying to see. Yet sometimes, tagging along can help you see things you couldn't have planned by yourself. Like playing beach volleyball for the first time in years, or seeing your first comedy show ever in Tri-West. You can hop on that Uber you ordered, or cancel it for a last-minute cocktail at a bar you'd walked past but hadn't noticed. When things come together like that, the decision isn't hard to make. 

I pride myself on my ability to make decisions. So far in my career, I've always known which direction to go. I didn't have to switch studies because I picked the ones that suited me the best. I hardly have regrets because my choices reflect my wants and my needs - even if they were mistakes. Now that school is over, it's time to make decisions again - bigger ones than how to spend your holiday. It scares me. I'm scared of choosing an easy career path that leaves me unfulfilled. I'm scared of choosing a path that makes me leave behind everyone I love. 

My decision-making process is based on intuition and a little trial and error. Last night, I hung out with a few professional musicians who were terrific. They were smart, funny and witty. Nevertheless, I immediately knew I'm not going to join their field. I knew it by the way I phrased my sentences around them. I love musicians and I love their passion - but it's theirs, not mine. I love it like I love my academic case studies: from a distance. So that's at least something I can cross off the list. 

Unfortunately, I can't cross off LA completely. My gut loves it here. There's so much to hate here yet I feel completely happy. I feel at ease. Despite the ugliness of the city, it reeks of possibilities. 

It's a bummer, because I’d hoped for an easy decision.